Friday, 10 April 2009

DI Vorce

I was coming home from work the other night and bumped into an old school friend. I've known him since we were five and we used to play in the same Sunday football team when I first came back to the UK. He lives near me and I noticed there was a For Sale outside his house. I asked him why he was moving as he'd just had a load of building work done. Poor bloke goes onto tell me he'd just split up from his wife and if he couldn't buy her out, the house would be sold and he'd end up in a little flat somewhere. Over twenty years down the drain, gutting.

I tried to cheer him up as I've got the Tee shirt on that one, and know just how depressing divorce is, especially if kids are involved. I don't think the policing profession has a good success percentage rate on long lasting marriages. There is an attitude of get the first one out of the way and move on. Other stressful occupations with high divorce rates are doctors and firemen. The impact on family life caused by long hours and shift work contributes to conflict in relationships, and it's only now, on marriage two that I'm trying to strike a balance. Poor old wife one had been told early on that I was married to the job first and I grafted non stop to provide only to lose half of everything.

I was left with just the cat for company, who she loathed anyway. It's far too easy to hit the bottle and feel sorry for yourself. You are where you are so accept things and get on with life. My first marriage was rather too complicated to go into, but would've made even the most far fetched Eastenders story line look tame. Another thing with shift work and long hours is that it gives the deserted spouse opportunities to play away. There was infidelity in my first marriage but not by me. Once it finally dawned on me that my marriage was done, which was five months after she'd left and two weeks after I found stuff out, I was OK with life. I met somebody else through work, but was then divorced by wife one, for adultery. Work that one out?

Her solicitors were right anti and wouldn't even speak to me on the phone, even though I was sorting out all my own legal stuff. Imagine my delight when my newly ex wife then did a bunk and didn't pay their bill, prompting them to ring me all nicey nice to try and trace her. Yeah right tossers Click Brrrrrrrr.

So the positive is, I've been able to take my experiences into the workplace. When I've had staff going through marital difficulties I've cut them some slack. Sod work, put your own house in order. Time given if needed, you know the sort of thing. Always willing to lend an ear or give advice, like to my mate who was caught over the side shagging his next door neighbour. "You're going to lose half of everything at least - and you're an arse". Solicitors made about 15k from that job.

I was thinking it would be wrong to go on holiday this year, what with all this credit crunch thing. I mentioned it to Mrs Stressed who said two words, "We're Going". This was said in such a way that I think my life would not be worth living to discuss the matter further. So we're booked for the same place as last year, with my two daughters from marriage one and Bam Bam from my second marriage. So get your priorities right, take it from me it's expensive otherwise.


Dandelion said...

Liking the idea of an EastEnders storyplot.

I think doctors are actually ok for happy marriages on the whole. Maybe some specialisms tend to attract a certain unmonogamous type, but they're a minority. Of the 30 or 40 doctors I know (of varying specialities), all are happily married (for the first time), and have been for donkeys years.

Dandelion said...

Oh, and it's also just occurred to me that another reason behind police marriage failure might be because they attract groupies. It's a very attractive uniform - what woman wouldn't?

Stressed Out Cop said...

Yeah maybe you're right the article I read did mention pschiatrists as the worst for some reason.

Flared trousers appealing? maybe with the old tunics. I must admit unpure thoughts crossed my mind when Mrs Stressed applied for mounted duties. I think I've got a boot fetish! :-)

kingmagic said...

The Ambulance service has a very high attrition rate when it comes to relationships.

I read somewhere that research showed Police officers drank lots, Firefighters read loads of books (probaly Fireman Sam books?) and Ambulance Paras/Techs shagged around like it was going out of fashion!

I suppose the people who are Special Constables whilst also being Retained Firefighters and part time Paramedics must be knackered!

Dandelion said...

Funny. I know at least 9 psychiatrists, and all bar one are still quite happily on their first marriage. I heard it was surgeons that were dodgy...:-)

I hadn't noticed flared trousers. Must have been looking in the wrong place.