Friday, 12 February 2010

Thoughts Running Through My Head

When I read of another suicide in the press it just triggers something in me. I've been there at my lowest, but it was just thoughts running through my head caused by a severe lack of sleep. I still get them every time a train comes into the station but my thoughts are not me and shouldn't drive what I am. That's why suicide is a waste because situations are just that, little tests of crisis to overcome and maybe those with a busy head are more prone. Bereavement is the number one cause of temporary depression but the pain eases over time for most people. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

I often had to cope with a past love who was always taking overdoses. Her mind was not her own and I often wonder what caused her to start munching psychotic pills. She wasn't in control of her thoughts and would go into hospital to get well. Schizophrenia is a horrible illness but very different from depression. Try dealing with that at home and then going to work to deal with much of the same. People tend to forget that we have home lives too and sometimes those are far from perfect. Many a time I would be deployed to "Nutter's" at work and force an entry with my team only to find that individual wasn't half as ill as what I went home to. We don't do Nutter's anymore and the term is Emotionally Mentally Distressed (EMD) people.

I very much dislike dealing with suicides and think I know why.


Blue Eyes said...

"People tend to forget that we have home lives too and sometimes those are far from perfect"

A lot of people don't see past the uniform to the human underneath. The uniform is only the outside wrapping!

Sounds like you might need a pint, though.

Stressed Out Cop said...

No Blue I'm good ta , all in the past .. just clearing the decks !

Blue Eyes said...

Well who needs an excuse for a pint?

Anonymous said...

Some of us must deliberately search for ways to avoid self-imposed burdens. In my student days I would dwell more than others, on respectful and proper use of donations to tissue dissection. Debating and writing about such experiences, is very helpful.

On a different level Pc A Hunn recently highlighted elsewhere, the mental anguish sustained through dealing with the deceased at home; often breaking into homes which had been locked from the inside. These attendant stresses of inevitable police work will always have a huge impact upon caring and sensitive people.

Hogday said...

Every suicide note I've had to read, although different in what was physically written, all seemed to have a thread that was exactly the same. Not a tangible thread, but nevertheless it seemed to me that they all had it. The only way I can describe it is as a spooky feel or simiarity, something I almost understood, but couldn't quite put my finger on. It is indeed a strange illness that overtakes the victim.

Anonymous said...

I wouldnt like to guess now, how many suicides I attended in the course of my career.
I understand why they do it - I do!
I got to that point myself through depression. Most people who think they have suffered depression actually havnt - they have been depressed, which is something else.
Depression is a Black-Hole which appears to have no way out but one.
There are alternatives, of course, but you dont care any more and cant find the alternate exit on your own - it takes someone on the outside who cares, to force you into getting treatment.