Friday, 19 December 2008

Everything Must Go - And Will

I was out shopping with Mrs Stressed and as she flitted about like a bee from hangers to shelves, could take no more. I only lasted for Mark’s and Spencer’s and by the time we reached Boots I was affecting her enjoyable shopping experience. I took the early bath, having been shown the red card and headed for the bus home alone. She was more than happy so she could spend freely and lie later about how much she’d blown.

I took my seat on the top deck and a plumpish fat bird got on and sat in the seat across the aisle from me. At the next stop a youngish couple got on and the two women obviously knowing each other started chatting chavvy shit.

The fat bird then drops her voice and immediately my ears are interested. She starts telling her mate about her shoplifting exploits and asks if she’s interested. Apparently she’d been targeting Woolworth’s recently as it’s even an easier touch with all the crowds. Last week she’d stolen £700 worth of stuff in one day. She’s prepared to travel too and names four separate town centres.

In the last two weeks she’d stolen seven robot toy’s which are all the rage and retail at £250. Their kids obviously went to the same school, as they made a date for the next day, where fat bird offered to meet her and they could go down to Woolworth’s together. The girl could choose what she wanted and then wait outside and fat bird would go in and steal it, saying she’d do it in two minutes.

Fat bird is obviously a pro and her prices are half the ticket price. She even mentioned how careful she is not to sell to people she doesn’t know. Wouldn’t it be nice if I’d just nicked her for conspiracy to steal – but who’s going to believe me the policeman. More evidence needed to make the offence complete I’m afraid*. Even if she gets nicked in the act nothing will happen to her, as it’s classed as victimless crime – try telling that to 23000 people about to lose their jobs.

She then gets off and heads off towards the local council housing no doubt paid for by hard working tax payers. Some people are doing alright this Xmas.

* Conspiracy is a preliminary phase to the commission of many crimes but it is a crime is its own right. The essence of offence of conspiracy is an agreement. To constitute the offence, what occurs must go beyond the negotiation stage or intention and become a matter of agreement. This agreement could be indicated by letter, telephone, hand shake, nod, bodily movement. Negotiations prior to a conspiracy could involve incitements by the parties to the negotiation. Therefore if a person pulls out at the planning stage before an agreement - no conspiracy.


Ex-RUC said...

Ah, the chavs will miss the wonder of Woollies next year!

Why is it always Woollies they steal from?

Annette said...

I would have loved it if you had turned to her and told her what you did.
Her face would have been a picture.

Kristina said...

"who’s going to believe me the policeman"

The same people who would believe any person's word against another's in the absence of any other evidence, of course.

Your word isn't somehow worth more than anyone else's just because of your job, you know. It's clear you think it should be though, which makes me question whether you're the right kind of person to be in the police.

Damo Mackerel said...

Kristina, maybe you're the fat bird on the bus? Your shopping trip to Woollies didn't go as planned? Couldn't stuff the g*d damn tricycle down your knickers, aye?

Stressed Out Cop said...


And that's the problem with the criminal justice system - My word as an honest crime fighting individual should be worth more than somebody with numerous previous convictions for dishonesty. Too many times these people get the benefit of the doubt and it's others that suffer.


She would not have given a monkies toss if I'd shown out. They are not bothered if they get caught as they are always going home afterwards. It's ony worth seeing the face when they do get sent down. Very rare today


You are probably right - I think !!

Constable said...
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